


twitter aliens

by doctormissy



Series: twitterverse [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alien Gender/Sexuality, Cameos, Classic Doctor Who References, Denial of Feelings, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Humor, Love/Hate, Memes, POV Outsider, Pining, Season/Series 12, Social Media, Texting, The Doctor (Doctor Who) is a Dork, The Master Has Issues (Doctor Who), Twitter, ashildr & bill & clara & heather & jack are the ultimate space gays gang, for the finale at least, ish, none of them are subtle about being alien, people ship it, this is a (mostly) angst-free comfort space, what is gender anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 17,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22119541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctormissy/pseuds/doctormissy
Summary: space mum@adventurer_13when you find out the nice mi6 agent you’ve been texting for 3 years is actually your best friend turned enemy turned friend again turned enemy againyaz@wrathofKhanwhen u find out the doctor’s eaten all the biscuits again :)))space mum@adventurer_13oi this is SERIOUSOr, in which the Doctor rants about her best frenemy on Twitter, people ship it, and Yaz and Ryan are confused. Also, some of the previous companions show up.
Relationships: Amy Pond/Rory Williams, Ashildr | Lady Me/Clara Oswin Oswald, Heather (Doctor Who: The Pilot)/Bill Potts, Martha Jones/Mickey Smith, The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)
Series: twitterverse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592104
Comments: 520
Kudos: 834
Collections: Recommandation (fics) list





	1. I'm... confused

**Author's Note:**

> listen. the master is back (i KNEW it I KNEW they wouldn't be dead PLEASE) and group chats and texting is real so... my hand slipped. I'm officially back on my doctor/master bullshit.
> 
> this is set in the same universe as the good omens twitter fic [twitter cryptids](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21607198/chapters/51521206). I didn't want to make that a full-blown crossover (even though it has 13, yaz, and bill in it), so it's a series now I guess? and just as there was no good omens twitter fic before I wrote that one, there wasn't a doctor who one either, which, outrageous, and I fixed that once again! updates... at least once a week?
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!! <3

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
when you find out the nice mi6 agent you’ve been texting for 3 years is actually your best friend turned enemy turned friend again turned enemy again 😞😞😞

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
when u find out the doctor’s eaten all the biscuits again :)))

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
oi this is SERIOUS

**Ryan** @theemechanic  
this is so sad alexa play-

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
no she won’t cos dad can’t make her work

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
bahahahaha I got you good didn’t I??? make you think I was your friend??? I’m so evil 😏😏😏😏 maybe no one died but, eh, wouldn’t be a proper reunion. *kisses*

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
OH BOLLOCKS

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
shit fam u good

**monica** @moneyca  
I smell drama 👀

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
u sure ur enemies

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
BEST enemies even! but don’t mind me, I’m just cooking up my next evil scheme over here. 🤭

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
ahhhhhh I see ;)

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
we only snogged ONCE ok

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
wait what WHEN

**Ryan** @theemechanic  
and who IS that bloke u never told us 🤨🤨

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
*gets wotsits* do tell us

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  


**space mum** @adventurer_13  
I was an old scottish bloke and she was hot and also scottish and she started it. but shhh 🙊

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
it was the work of my evil wiles. I was making you uncomfortable. 😉😉😁😁

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
DOCTOR?????? MISSY???????

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
BILL??????

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
not missy anymore, cyberman girl. we switched.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
did u now :) also don’t lie u know I know the truth :)

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
choke on it then 🙂 I absolutely do not LIKE the doctor or MISS her texts

**f*ck trump** @canadianmoose  
enemies to lovers, mutual pining, denial, 68k words,

**san trancisco** 🏳️‍🌈 @gayvibesonly  
hmmmmm does someone be trans _@adventurer_13 @MasterOfTheUniverse_ 👀

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
someone be alien and unbound by gender and also SHUT UP BILL and also HOW ARE YOU????

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
kin

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
kin

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
HECC YES

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
followed. we need more aliens in our lives

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
first off, rude _@adventurer_13_  
second off, im gay in space and im fine, thanks for asking  
third off, it’s unfair that ur a woman now,, my gay arse was robBED

**Ryan** @theemechanic  
did u travel w the doctor before us _@lesbill_

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
yup! he was a prof at the uni I worked at and illegally attended his lectures and one thing led to another… there was 4 of us actually

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
there’s 4 of us now too!  
[ _A selfie of Yaz, Ryan, Graham, and the Doctor, who’s wearing her goggles and making a grimace. It was taken in the TARDIS’ kitchen._ ]

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
ROBBED-

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
[ _An image of Twelve, Missy, Bill, and Nardole standing in front of the console._ ]  
the old guy’s the doctor, egg guy is nardole, who was like a cyborg or smth? curly hair is me and victorian nanny is missy aka the master

**Ryan** @theemechanic  
im shooketh on 20 levels wtf

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
holy SHIT I’m showing this to graham

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
where DID egghead end up anyway

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
where u left him before u went and betrayed the doctor, duh

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
oi, I was going to join the Doctor but Saxon-me killed me! or tried to, Rassilon knows it didn’t last 😁

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
you… were?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
no need to get all sentimental

**Connor** @28connor  
I’m… confused 😅😅

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
same

**monica** @moneyca  
no matter. I ship it

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
#TwitterAliens ?

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
#TwitterAliens

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yeah, hi, I’m the Doctor, maybe you remember me saving you from all the alien invasions in the 2000s? and 1970s. and 2010s. and I’m confused too.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
doctor, it’s 2019. that’s still 2010s

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
ah yeah, my bad, I do get the centuries all mixed up sometimes


	2. what's a tardis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I'd update on tuesday but nvm. needed something to lift my mood after that episode (I'm still SHOOK-) (but in a good way) (mostly) so I wrote this. angst-free. we're not letting that in here, tyvm. 
> 
> also, for those who are curious about cameos:  
> @ajcrowley is crowley from good omens  
> @timforcoffee is tim drake from dc  
> @gayvibesonly is cisco ramon from the flash but he's trans

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
talk to me, this dimension is fucking BORING

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
no. it’s your own fault you’re stuck there

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
ha! you’re talking to me 😏😏 no, seriously, doctor, get ME OUT!!!

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
didn’t you say you were busy cooking up your next evil plan 🤨 and now you’re here, begging for my help like it’s the good old 70s? a real classic. always end up here, do we? enjoy 😘

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
FINE.

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
FINE!

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
a real… classic…

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
I’m curious in 5 different ways but also scared to ask-

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
 _@MasterOfTheUniverse_ uh how do u get reception in another dimension??

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
it’s a TARDIS thing. see _@adventurer_13_? this human is talking to me.

**monica** @moneyca  
what’s a tardis

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
a time lord spacetimeship

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
fuck ME u have TIME TRAVEL????

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
omg omg omg u mustve met so many famous ppl from history

**HALLOWEENIE** @haleyscometh  
I, a history nerd, am summoned-

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Have you met Shakespeare?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
twice! always flirted with me 😉😉

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
u have SO MUCH to tell us yet, Doc 👀

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
I mean I spent more than a year with him (her? them??) and still didn’t know much djnsjhf good luck _@wrathofKhan_

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
yea anyway im still processing the woman thing. she’s cute omg

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
thanks 😊😊😊😊😊😊 BUT SO AM I, I ALWAYS FORGET AND IT’S EMBARRASSING

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
wish I could just forget about gender skdnhjsn

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
dear human, I have news for u: u can absolutely just forget about gender

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
true 👆👆😁

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
WAIT. doctor??????? did I just find u on twitter? did u regenerate again? into a woman? did missy regenerate again? WHAT-

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
Clara?????

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
I AM NOT MISSY ANYMORE

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
don’t mind him, he’s sulking. anyway, it’s been ages, what’s uuuuup? 😄😄😄

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
you’re still 100% embarrassing and I’m still 100% an awkward immortal control freak, except now my tardis likes me 😏😏 also I have no intentions or anything but me & me are on 26th century arcturus right now……?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
noted 😍

**Ryan** @theemechanic  
yup, still confused

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
I just know I want to be a time traveler

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
space gays rights,

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
pls take me with u,,,

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
…I shouldn’t have got a twitter account, my fam is big enough as it is 😅

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
no no no pls I’m here for the alien musings

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
and u found us 😉

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
fair enough. I TAKE IT BACK

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
HAHAHHA that was once again my evil-

bollocks

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
:)


	3. three brain cells combined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those of you who can't watch the new series: I uploaded the first two eps on my [google drive](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1uF5M6u65og-muhjwUgBRNHVSG0HWLhsv) and will be adding more on mondays :) feel free to share the link!
> 
> the was only one cameo in the last chapter, @tea_and_scones aka aziraphale from good omens, as seen in the other fic.

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
just catching up with an old friend of mine… on a lovely planet in the future! gah, it’s been so long. we need to do it again sometime _@claraoswin @meme_me_ 💖  
[ _Image of the Doctor standing between Clara and Lady Me, hands around their shoulders and smiling. The background shows a couple of futuristic buildings and a sign announcing a café._ ]

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
I love this new regeneration of yours. take what u will from that ;)

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
😘😘

**Not Maisie Williams** @meme_me  
Enough flirting now though :)

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
right, yep, of course babe

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
yes, I won’t have the doctor’s attention stolen by clara oswald, AGAIN.

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
got out of the dimension yet, have we?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
…

**Ryan** @theemechanic  
so that’s where u went when u dropped us off at home and disappeared _@adventurer_13_

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
that and… other places

speaking of, want to visit a planet that has purple waterfalls and slow cascades you can raft on, fam? 😊😊😊

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
ooo sounds nice

**Ryan** @theemechanic  
yes for anything that gets us off planet tbh

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
damn, scrolling down _@adventurer_13_ ’s feed REALLY makes me want to be a space and time traveller like on star trek or something

**conspiracy theories are my jam** @olgoi_khorkhoi  
have u not seen the Daleks tho? the Cybermen? all those aliens invading us? it’s DANGEROUS!!!

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
haha remember that one time earth was dragged to a different part of the universe

**Clodo Baggins** @quality_rachni  
Or those “ghosts” in 2006

**evie** @eve_moneypants  
ATMOS

**pugs.** @scrambledeggsy  
that one day there were trees everywhere and then fuckin disappeared again

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
or when it rained above graveyards and all the dead people turned into metal monsters and marched all over London. bloody terrifying

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
ok and does anyone else remember that the m25 was on fire last year and the weather was super crazy for a day and there was kraken and shite

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@pastaforlyfe_ oh no that’s not alien related, that was the apocalypse happening and being undone again and no one’s supposed to remember it???

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
what and I missed THAT 😱😱

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
 _@ajcrowley_ u get used to weird things when u live in the uk, and the media might write it off as mass hallucinations or whatever, but the truth is that after u see your third dalek attack, nothing surprises u anymore

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
 _@ajcrowley_ who are u anyway, are u alien too?

**monica** @moneyca  
no they’re one half of the #TwitterCryptids angel-demon duo 😁

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
I know him, he’s alright

wore his face once, but unlike him I wasn’t ginger 😔😔😔

**Lucy Ferrera** @lucyfer  
wore his FACE???

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
time lords can change bodies when they’re about to die and always regenerate into someone who already exists somewhere in the universe

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
huh cool

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
so u could even look like me? or Graham?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
probably not. it’s never someone I’m close to, and really, I only met the person 4/13 times, I can’t exactly control it 😅 but technically, yeah.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
I’m honoured :)

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
almost 2500 years and the doctor still can’t control their regeneration. of course. how brilliant of you. the saviour of the universe, and can’t even choose a face, or pass physics on the first try!!!

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
and yet I still best you in every single one of our games :)

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
maybe I’m just letting you think that :)

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
please. u both have high int/low wis stats and like 3 brain cells combined and whoever hogs the third one’s winning for the moment

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
that is ABSOLUTELY not TRUE

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
I feel very called out right now. thank you Bill

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
what are dumb gay friends for

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
and u are HOW old???

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
very. very VERY very old

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
me, at 21:

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
anyhow, gotta go, waterfalls are waiting 😊😊🌊

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
and I will be BACK

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
not for as long as I’m hogging the third brain cell, apparently

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
good thing we have telepathy then 😏


	4. game's on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a special texts-only chapter, and probably the only bit of angst in here cos they have Issues and I needed to get that out of the way :') mostly cos I didn't like how Chibnall just buried Missy's character development

**O  
online**

TODAY

is that where you took inspiration  
for your outfit, or are you still  
unhealthily into purple like your  
previous and very much nicer  
regeneration?

THAT’S what you got from that

what do you want me to say? well  
done? you’re getting slow, mate,  
8 whole days it took you

I’m starting to think Bill really  
wasn’t wrong 😏😏😏

I will NOT have you insulting me

I mean, what about the 77 years?  
I took your TARDIS, yes, but  
you could’ve just summoned it  
back, you know. it’s a basic  
trick, really.

and staging all that to get my  
attention? when you literally  
have my phone number? my  
friends, they text me all the time!

my REAL friends that is

but that wouldn’t be as

as?

dramatic! revealing myself in  
a whatsapp text? who does that?

and I think you’re forgetting I’m  
you only real friend and always  
has been. humans? they’ve got  
nothing on us!

friends don’t try to murder the  
other’s friends and destroy their  
home planets.

especially not after those 70 years  
we had together.

I was locked up!

willingly! and we made progress!  
you chose to be on my side, chose  
to help and not to kill people in  
cold blood anymore. for the first  
time in 2000 years, it really felt  
like we could BE together. travel.  
for real. you treated my friends  
with RESPECT. and then--what,  
you talked to your past self for  
10 seconds and did a 180 on  
everything we’ve built?

alright, doctor. let’s think about  
this for a sec, yeah? do you  
REALLY think that little of me?  
I STABBED past me in the BACK  
because he couldn’t see that it  
was time to stop fighting. and he  
SHOT ME and left me there to  
die. I tried to reach out. but you  
weren’t there. you left and didn’t  
think of me, not ONCE. I had to  
crawl my way out of there and  
get back while one of my hearts  
was already down and the other  
was soon to follow.

I had to find you, I thought. so I  
went to earth. regenerated into  
this bloke’s face. I was angry, it  
was a lapse in control, I regretted  
shrinking him! but it happened.  
and you weren’t there. only  
granddad you, that would mess  
with the timelines, I’m not  
stupid. YOU’RE the silly  
sausage here.

so I waited. took o’s job. I was  
helping people. the doctor would  
be proud of me, I thought. then  
I met him--you--anyway. and  
I gave you my number. you know  
that part and all that happened  
next.

three years, Doctor. happily  
texting o and not thinking of the  
Master, not once after the  
Mondasian ship. it broke my  
fucking heARTS!

well, then I went to Gallifrey. you  
know THAT part too. and you’d  
\--understand, if you knew. but,  
like I said, neither they nor you  
treated me kindly. so enjoy  
figuring it out!!!!

I thought that *you* abandoned  
and betrayed *me*, you know?  
I thought you were still Missy and  
left with him. I had no reason to  
believe otherwise. and believe me,  
I had a hard time getting over it.

was a bit busy regenerating and  
stopping an alien who was killing  
people, after that. and listen. if you  
told me who you were at the start,

or after I told you about the  
regeneration,

I wouldn’t be mad at you!!! well,  
maybe a little mad, but I’d mostly  
be happy you didn’t actually  
betray me, idiot! I liked O, you  
know. it all could’ve been  
different! but no, you had to go  
and ally yourself with Barton and  
the Kasaavin and try to rewrite  
the entire human race’s DNA,  
AGAIN. and to what end? to  
anger me? make me feel your  
pain? I did. I felt that pain. I lost  
a friend too. that’s why I didn’t  
talk about it.

…

are you admitting you had a  
crush on O? you did, didn’t you?  
can’t blame you, I’m very  
handsome.

no! shut up.

okay, maybe a little. I liked  
texting O. the little riddles. the  
memes. it was all the worse when  
I found out it’s you.

worse? come on. you missed me.  
you love the rush. the challenges.  
and you LIKE that he’s been me  
all along.

I don’t like that you’ve been lying  
to me for so long.

are you really still hung up on  
that? I always do that! you’d be  
confused if I didn’t!

no I wouldn’t

no, really. imagine it. I come up  
to you at 3W and say, hi, I’m  
Missy, it’s short for Mistress,  
nice to see you again, there are  
cybermen in these tanks and  
they’re for you! happy birthday!

or if you met me as a secret agent  
and I said I was the Master. you’d  
think it’s suspicious and be all  
bewildered and not in the funny,  
adorable way. because let’s be  
honest, no matter WHAT I do,  
you suspect me of SOMETHING.

1) I’m not adorable

2) can’t believe you just said that

a mistake

3) you ARE usually guilty of  
something, I’m being reasonably  
cautious.

well, you got me.

4) I might surprise you yet

you fall for it every. single. time.  
you’re SO predictable

well, so are you. I traced your  
location.

and? what are you going to do?  
take your little friends and try to  
catch me again?

I’m not giving up on you. that  
good person I knew isn’t gone.  
and I’ll be damned if I let you  
relapse into the toxic behaviour  
you think makes you who you  
are even further than you  
already did.

so yeah. I’m going to try to  
catch you again. we’re going to  
have some more of that iced tea  
and talk. 

assuming you CAN catch me--  
I’ll have some whisky in that  
tea.

fine by me. I still don’t know if I  
like whisky, actually. haven’t  
tried all that much food in this  
body yet…

there she is.

don’t be so full of yourself.

😮 when am I ever?

I won’t answer that.

and don’t think I didn’t notice  
you relocated. but however  
difficult you’re thinking you’re  
making this for me, I’ll find you.

game’s on 😉

[contact saved as The Master]


	5. HYPERVODKA IS ON THE WAY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't post this yesterday cos the internet mysteriously stopped working like 5 seconds before I pasted the chapter into the editor here...... but here it is. and there will actually a bonus chapter in a sec!!!

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
the Doctor thinks she can fix me but still fails to grasp that there’s nothing TO fix. she keeps wanting to change me—well, didn’t work out well, did it? so I’m calling her out on it.

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
u did some pretty fucked up stuff tho

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
you have no idea, pet. but at least I own up to it! she’s the one who doesn’t, thinking she’s the picture-perfect little hero when she’s got just as much blood on her hands as I do. do you hear me? the Doctor’s a big fat hypocrite!!!

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
those are some pretty serious accusations

**monica** @moneyca  
hasn’t the doctor been saving us from all the alien invasions???

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
the master’s right. you’re also right. the doctor is the most complicated and the most awesome person you’ll ever meet though, and if it weren’t for them, we’d be dead a million times over. the master knows that too. he’s being petty cos the doctor’s been ignoring him or smth 🙄

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
Clara Oswald admitted I’m right??? oh darling. oh these words. (ಸ ‿ ಸ)

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
u done being dramatic now?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
I can be as dramatic as I please!!! anyway, she makes surprisingly good iced tea. I have to get the recipe before I go looking for planets to try and conquer. want to share? we should totally start up the girl power club again.

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
you’re a man now

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
oh really, I haven’t noticed

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
im down anyway

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
oi if we bring in _@captainqueer_ it’s the immortal space gays club and the in-love-with-the-doctor group therapy in one

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
HYPERVODKA IS ON THE WAY

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
excuse me but what the fuck

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
listen. listen new space gay. when you’ve been in these circles long enough you sort of roll with things. you form a network. and you get together in odd bars on mars and discuss how bonkers your life has turned cos you met this weird spaceman one day.

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
ummm

**ryan** @theemechanic  
but the master?? he kills people???

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
officially we don’t like the master but then again, they can’t kill *us* so we’re like frenemies with a common goal which is getting drunk and spilling the tea. also we live for their relationship drama. but shhhh don’t tell the doctor

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
well it’s been sort of a girl gang bc missy but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Not Maisie Williams** @meme_me  
New editions, always fun

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
what’s the matter, is it too much for your little brains to process 😏

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
so anyways, what’s up with the doctor being a woman now 👀

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
uhhhh yeet me into space now I guess

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  


**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
w h a t,

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
who are these ppl and how do they know each other, again

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
a l i e n s

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
my gf & I are like half-alien half-human hybrids but yea

also when you’re gay and used to travel w the doctor you’re bound to meet

**Graham** @GrahamOBrien  
Hi! My grandson convinced me to get Twitter, so here I am! Also, I have absolutely no bloody idea how this works.

**ryan** @theemechanic  
🤦🏿‍♂️ my grandpa eveyrone

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
it’s ok we’ll teach ya graham

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
hi Graham! 😄 has anyone seen my guitar btw?

**ryan** @theemechanic  
u have a guitar doc??

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
 _@lesbill_ *giggles* 🎸🕶️🎶✨👽

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
 _@claraoswin_ god I actually miss him :((

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
*let us in meme* LET US INNNNN ON UR INSIDE JOKES

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
what’s that, Doctor, still haven’t told them about your past?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
I’ve told them stuff!!! they know what I looked like before!!! and they can ask bill or clara anytime if they want!

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
…have YOU seen my guitar?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
in the wardrobe

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
oh ta. I’ve been meaning to start practising again

**ryan** @theemechanic  
how do u know that _@MasterOfTheUniverse_ have u been inside

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
👀

**Graham** @GrahamOBrien  
Yeah, two days ago, isn’t that right? Sorry, I overheard you talking in the library. Went right away though, I swear! Also, I’ve figured this reply thing out!

**ryan** @theemechanic  
k

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
😏😏😏

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
we’ve been added to a group chat FINALLY  
|  
 **yaz** @wrathofKhan  
oh no there’s a photo from the mars get together and everyone is hot,, help me  
|  
 **yaz** @wrathofKhan  
also the fact that while we’re here, the doctor’s had like 12 different lives before us, with all these different ppl who all left and who have history together but we know nothing really hit me and… we’re gonna end up like that too, aren’t we

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
hun, that’s the whole purpose of the gang. we’re not alone in this. and u & ryan & graham are one of us now, non-debatable

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
once fam always fam 😊

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
hang on, you have a group chat WITHOUT ME????

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse **  
**AND I’M IN IT!!!!!!! ohh telling you feels so sweet 🙊

**Graham** @GrahamOBrien  
You can make one with the Doctor too, though, yeah?

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
omg this is going to be so chaotic

I’m on it 👀


	6. big fam

**big fam**  
The Doctor, Ryan, Graham, Bill, Heather, C…

TODAY

[Bill added you, Ryan and 7 others]

[Clara added River]

[Jack added Martha and Mickey]

**The Doctor  
** River??!?

 **River  
** Hello, sweetie 😘

 **Martha  
** Is this a group for the Doctor’s  
companions?

Omg

 **Bill  
** who’s River

 **River  
** I’m his wife ♥ Also, I’m dead,  
but that’s just a minor  
inconvenience.

 **Bill  
** oH

the doctor has a wife 👀👀👀

 **Jack  
** AND she’s in for a surprise 😁

hi, I’m Jack, nice to meet ya 😏

 **River  
** Oh, did he regenerate again?

 **The Master  
** *cough* she *cough*

hi. I’m the Master. if you weren’t a data  
ghost, I’d stab you.

 **The Doctor  
** oi be nice!!!

 **Mickey  
** ex c u se me SHE?????

 **Martha  
** HOW

 **Mickey  
** yea

 **River  
** Well that’s a nice development… 😇

 **The Doctor  
** I still can’t get used to it 😅😅

 **Clara  
** IF U BISEXUAL RAISE UR HAND  
🙋

🙋

 **River**  
🙋

 **Me**  
🙋

 **The Doctor**  
🙋 I guess?

 **Jack  
** 🙋‍♂️

 **The Master  
** 🙋 if time lords thought in such simple  
ways…

 **Martha  
** Also, WHAT is the Master doing here?!  
😬

 **The Master  
** aww, painful memories?

 **Martha  
** YOU COULD SAY THAT 😡

so I’m assuming u all have history?  
😅

sorry I’m new

 **Bill  
** oh yea. we should probably introduce  
ourselves or something 😄 only the  
doctor knows everyone

I’m bill I’m gay @Heather is my gf  
and i travelled with 12 aka grumpy  
scotsman

also this cyborg bloke nardole and  
missy aka the master aka a hot,  
slightly evil, also Scottish Mary  
Poppins

it was fun

I’m sort of a human alien hybrid now  
it’s. complicated 😅😅

I’m yaz, travelling with 13 and ryan  
and graham. I’m bi. 19. muslim.  
a pc on probation period. from  
Sheffield

VERY confused

mostly about regeneration and  
whatever it is that the doc and the  
master have going on

 **Ryan  
** and time lord gender

 **Bill  
** I mean. samw

 **Ryan  
** hi, I’m ryan, just a normal bloke? work  
in a warehouse in Sheffield? only into  
girls? lol

 **Jack  
** I mean, we don’t judge 😇

 **Bill  
** 😁😁😁😁

 **Jack  
** I’m Jack, I’m from the 51st century,  
and I’m immortal! 😘😘 and single  
😉

 **The Doctor  
** do you have to?

 **Jack  
** aaaand you haven’t changed

wait so ur in the 51st century rn?  
what?

 **Jack  
** no love, I’m in Cardiff

 **Bill  
** wknsnsbs

😂😂😂

 **Jack  
** also I traveled with 9 & 10

 **Mickey  
** I’m Mickey and don’t aka me to explain  
how I know the doctor, we’d be here for  
a week. just that I’m Martha’s husband  
and knew 9 & 10 too

*ask

 **Ryan  
** and those are…?

 **Jack  
** big ears and floppy hair

 **Bill  
** the one who looks like crowley

10 that is

never met him lol but I saw pictures

 **Clara  
** i met him

I met all of them, and I mean ALL as of  
last week 😏😏

 **Ryan  
** u wot

 **Mickey  
** oh damn

 **The Master  
** and only thanks to ME 😏

 **Clara  
** oh yeah. missy kind of pushed  
me to meet the doctor. I have no  
regrets

I’m Clara and I used to be a babysitter/  
English teacher but now I’ve got my  
own TARDIS with my gf @Me and I’m  
sort of immortal too? and I knew 11 &  
12 😊

i had no idea?

about missy

 **Martha  
** I’m VERY confused about all this.  
Are we talking about the same  
Master?

The one who held us prisoner for  
a year? Weaponised the Doctor’s  
TARDIS? Killed all those innocent  
people? Ran a false campaign to  
become PM?

pm?

 **Martha  
** Harold Saxon

 **Ryan  
** 😱😱😱

NO

waiT

 **The Master  
** 😉😉😉

 **Bill  
** listen. we know them as a crazy  
Victorian lady. sort of nice. it’s weird for  
us too

 **The Master  
** well, it HAS been a few thousand years  
for me

but I’m not NICE!!!

 **Clara  
** right on

 **River  
** Doctor?

 **The Doctor  
** look. it’s complicated. no--that’s an  
understatement. but they’re not the  
same person that held you captive on  
the valiant. they’ve changed. I’m not  
saying you can trust him, I know I don’t.  
I don’t even like him being here. but I  
gave them a chance, and I want you to  
give them a chance too.

hi, btw, it’s been a while. Martha!  
Mickey! how are you??

I’m a woman now, true enough. and  
I’m a bit busy 😅 does anyone know  
if we could connect to Amy and Rory  
too?

 **Martha  
** who?

 **River  
** My parents

 **Ryan  
** WHO

 **The Doctor  
** they’re stuck in the past but

gah I miss them

 **The Master  
** remember when I gave smartphones to  
famous women of history

 **The Doctor  
** spacebook! yes!

but I can’t land in NYC with my TARDIS  
anymore 🤔

 **Clara  
** we’ve got a TARDIS 😏😏

 **The Master  
** there you go

 **Clara  
** you can do the weird TARDIS hacky  
thing and keep them connected,  
yeah?

 **River  
** This could be dangerous, Doctor.  
There’s a reason we had to leave them  
behind.

 **The Doctor  
** don’t tell me u don’t want to see  
them!!!

well. talk to them

excuse me… you travelled with your  
wife’s parents, doctor?

 **The Doctor  
** our timelines were all wack 😅

 **River  
** He met Amy when she was 7 and then  
again when she was 19 and 21. Then  
she and Rory went with him. They had  
me, but because I was conceived in the  
time vortex, I was born as a Time Lord-  
human hybrid. The order of the Silence  
stole me and wanted to raise me as a  
weapon to kill the Doctor, but I escaped,  
regenerated, and went to Leadworth,  
to the time where my parents were  
children. I grew up with them as  
their best friend, and they ended up  
naming me after me. Oh, the wonderful  
paradoxes! The order got me in the end  
and made me into an assassin who  
would kill him after all, but I fell in love  
with him. I didn’t kill him. Wen to prison  
for it, though. We got married--but that’s  
not the end of it. We met in reverse  
order. The older I got, the younger the  
Doctor I met was. The only time… well,  
we had one night together before I  
knew I had to die. And I spent so long  
not recognising him! But then I went. I  
met a young Doctor, didn’t know me at  
all. But he saved me in the Library--and  
here I am. A data ghost. I can still have  
fun though, through technology and  
seances 😉

 **Bill  
** 🙃🙃🙃🙃 huh

 **Mickey  
** at least u didn’t get abandoned in a  
parallel universe tho

 **Ryan  
** uhhh what the fuck

i see why u wouldn’t tell us NOW…  
@TheDoctor

 **The Master  
** pfft. this has nothing on the doctor and  
me 😏

 **Clara  
** I met her once after her death. trust me  
I was shaken too and only knew.. well,  
nothing

there was a reason she and the doctor  
were married

 **Martha  
** I didn’t even know the Doctor was  
married 😮

 **Jack  
** that was after us

 **The Doctor  
** yup

do you know if we perchance meet  
again, River? 😔

 **River  
** I don’t know, sweetie. But I’d  
DEFINITELY want to 👀

Never had you as a woman 😏

 **Jack  
** same,,,

very curious

 **Bill  
** she’s CUTE

 **Clara  
** very smart. adorable. northern. I love  
her

 **Ryan  
** how many of u are the doc’s exes then?

 **Jack  
** we were all in love with him… that’s the  
thing about the doctor tho. u can’t have  
him. he breaks your heart and you’re  
happy to let him.

them?

 **Martha  
** Oh yeah

 **Mickey  
** he stole my gf from me and I hated him  
lol

but god knows where id be without  
him

 **Clara  
** we… loved each other, I think. but it was  
really hard sometimes

 **Bill  
** well I was too gay to have a crush but  
damn met them too early 👀

wbu eh?

 **Ryan  
** nah she’s cool but. nah 😅

no offence

 **Jack  
** you’re the first lol

 **Martha  
** well. Donna

 **The Doctor  
** 😭😭😭😭😭

who’s Donna?

 **Mickey  
** nuh Uh. don’t

 **The Master  
** he wiped her memory~~~

 **The Doctor  
** she was dying. I had to. but

doctor?

 **The Master  
** you lose them sometimes. and it hurts,  
doesn’t it? doesn’t it??? stupid humans  
and their fragile little lives. but at least  
you know how I felt for the most of my  
life!

 **The Doctor  
** don’t twist this around right now.

this isn’t about you.

 **The Master  
** isn’t it though? I am your oldest friend.  
your only friend. we were going to stay  
together, eh? and then you ran away  
with your granddaughter and left me  
on that dump of a planet simply because  
we had different views on certain…  
things. and you’re trying to replace me  
with THEM but you KNOW they’re not  
even CLOSE.

 **The Doctor  
** we’ve already been through this. do you  
really want to do this again? in front of  
everyone?

 **The Master  
** they’ve shut up now, haven’t they?

 **Bill  
** nope, still here

 **Ryan  
** yup

 **Martha  
** I really want to hear this.

granddaughter?

 **The Doctor  
** I had family once. children. we both did.  
but they’re all gone now

 **Bill  
** not together tho right? cos

 **Jack  
** this is SERIOUS

but yeah same question

 **The Doctor  
** geez no

 **The Master  
** we were lovers though if you must  
know 😏

 **Bill  
** oh I know

LOUD

wait THAT was what u meant

😶😶😶😶

 **The Master  
** 🙊🙊🙊

 **Clara  
** you and missy…?

 **Bill  
** yea h

 **Martha  
** Hnnnnhmh

I should’ve known

 **Mickey  
** ok let’s not be salty about this yeah? it’s  
in the past love

 **Martha  
** I know, I just

I’ll never forgive him

 **Clara  
** yep, not surprised. the conversations  
we had should’ve given me a hint

 **Jack  
** always knew the doctor was a bit of a  
bad guy

or should I say into bad guys?? 😉

 **The Doctor  
** shut up 😳😳

 **Heather  
** I’ve just opened this and… wow

this is a lot

 **River  
** I mean, we were hardly in a  
monogamous relationship, but I’m still  
a bit shocked! 😏

 **The Master  
** well I didn’t have much of an idea  
about you so we’re even

 **Graham  
** Does the Doc keep secrets from  
everyone??

Hi. I’m Graham. Ryan’s granddad.

Also, you should go to sleep.

 **Ryan  
** back at ya

 **Jack  
** our doc would kill y’all for being called  
that 😁 do y’all really do that

are u american?

 **Jack  
** yup

problem?

not at all

and yeah we really do that?

 **The Doctor  
** regeneration. changes you

 **Bill  
** gender…

 **The Master  
** skin colour…

still bitter about the Nazis btw 😘

 **The Doctor  
** yeah. me too. allying yourself with  
them

 **The Master  
** better than fucking exposing me to  
them!!! that’s low even for the fact it’s  
ME and you know it

 **The Doctor  
** yeah, ok, I admit that. but you’ve just  
told me you’ve destroyed gallifrey, I was  
angry.

 **Martha  
** Wasn’t Gallifrey already destroyed…?

 **Clara  
** it was. then wasn’t again

 **The Doctor  
** now it is again 😭😭😭😭

 **Clara  
** WHO-

 **The Doctor  
** guess

 **The Master  
** 👋

 **Clara  
**????????????

¿?????????

i thought-

 **Graham  
** Oh.

 **Martha  
** 😠😠😠😠😡😡😡😡

 **Mickey  
** 😡😡😡

 **Clara  
** 😡😡😡 WHY

 **The Master  
** yeah. that face?

me when I found out what the time  
lords did to us all

and I have to go.

 **The Doctor  
** right. typical.

 **Bill  
** 🙄🙄

 **Mickey  
** well, idk how about u but I’m going  
to sleep cos I need to process this

but it’s nice to meet u all

 **Martha  
** Likewise! We need to meet on a better  
occasion. I’d *love* to hear more  
about the Doctor. It’s been, oh, 10  
years!

 **Clara  
** we’ll see about amy and rory, too

after we have a drink

lol my battery’s at 22%

and it’s late

even though the tardis is sort of…  
timeless

 **Bill  
** a timeless time machine

yeah but ik what u mean

 **The Doctor  
** good night 🌌

and I’m… sorry, for what it’s worth

 **Ryan  
** yeah we can’t stay mad at ya anyway  
doc

 **Clara  
** night!!!

 **Bill  
** night 😊

night!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: this was originally posted as a set of fake whatsapp screenshots, but some people couldn't see them, so I typed it up into the word doc and here's your normal text version. I had no idea how long the chapter could've been, thinking it was at least 1k for sure, but no, it's 1.9k exactly! lol


	7. did u have memes in 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I re-typed the last chapter into regular text bc some of you had trouble with loading the images, so in case you couldn't read it, just go back :)

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
actually, things are even more confusing now that we get to talk to all the doc’s friends

**ryan** @theemechanic  
yea tell me about it

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
sorryyyyy but u wanted to :’)

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
oi we’re in the middle of a big alien royal wedding it’s no time for twitter

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
and DON’T post anything about said alien royal wedding please. there are RULES about that

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
you’re on an alien planet rn??????

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
that master bloke was tweeting from a diff dimension why are u even surprised

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  


**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
1945 selfie with favourite author ✨ alternate title: FOUND AMY POND _@adventurer_13_  
[ _A photo of Clara, Amy, and Rory in 1945 New York, in front of Clara and Me’s TARDIS, which is still stuck as a diner. They’re grinning._ ]  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
also I had no idea that amy pond was actually amelia williams, the author of many of my favourite novels??!!!! my mind is blown. I had to have my quiet fangirling moment before I took this picture.

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
1945???

**100% that bitch** @uheardme  
TIME TRAVEL SELFIE 🤳

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
😮😮😮😄😄😄😄🤗🤗🤗

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
didn’t you JUST say there were rules against these kinds of things

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
but that’s Amy!!!!! and Rory!!!!! and the past is different from the future and alien planets anyway

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
don’t you know by now that the Doctor will break even their own rules as it suits them and make up excuses about it

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
so do you, and definitely not for the sake of people’s safety and wellbeing

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
is that what you’re calling it? like I’d said, we’re more alike than you think, you and I 😏

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
where have I heard that one before… 🤔

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
haha yes call the disaster aliens out mr crowley!!!

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
disaster aliens????  
well, actually, you might be onto something there… 😅

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
I might be a dumpster fire on the inside but at least I’m fabulous ✨ unlike someone here who can’t put on something decent if their life depends on it, which it often DOES. I’ve heard someone’s forgetting period clothes are a thing

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
really, doctor? where did forcing me to put on a heavy victorian robe go???

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
oi don’t team up on me! that’s not nice! and I’m great getting out of trouble anyway, thanks.

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
if I had a pound for every time someone yelled “women in trousers!!! how scandalous!!!” I’d be bloody rich tho

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
anyway. we gave amy and rory special hacked mobiles and they can talk to us now!!!

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
I MIGHT BE A DUMPSTER FIRE ON THE INSIDE BUT AT LEAST I’M FABULOUS im putting that on a t-shirt

* * *

**big fam  
** The Doctor, Ryan, Graham, Bill, Heather, C…

TODAY

[Clara added Amy and Rory]

 **Clara  
** here they are :)

 **River  
** Hello, Mum and Dad!

 **The Master  
** hey, those are the only two I never  
met!

 **Mickey  
** u never met me either mate

 **The Master  
** let me rephrase. those are the only  
two “important pets” whom I never  
met

 **Bill  
** can u NOT stir conflict for once 🙄

 **The Master  
** it wouldn’t be as fun and we all  
know it

 **Yaz**  
let’s just say hi yeah? hi!

 **Bill  
** hi! sorry, are u really stuck in the  
past? it’s just that I don’t get HOW  
u can be stuck in the past when  
we’ve got time travel

 **Amy  
** Hi! U have NO idea how good it’s to  
see modern tech again. And weird.  
Super weird.

It’s been 7 years

We are. It’s a fixed point in time so  
it’s really complicated but basically  
we have to stay here and die in 40  
years because it’s on a grave and  
once it’s written and read, it must  
come true

 **Clara  
** wellll I have to die on a London street  
in 2015 and it’s a fixed point in time  
too but that doesn’t mean I can’t  
take the long way round and travel  
for 200 years before I go there 😅😅

 **Rory  
** Hi 👋 I mean, back then, maybe, but  
now we got used to it? We have a  
life here now. And travelling with the  
Doctor was great but… you know

 **Amy  
** Too crazy sometimes

But we can talk to you!!! What year  
is it over there now?

 **Bill  
** 2019 **  
**  
**River  
** And I suppose you haven’t heard  
that my husband is my wife now? 😏

 **Amy  
** Actually

 **Clara  
** i told them 😁

 **Amy  
** And aaaaaaaaaaaaa what

I KNOW I SAID IT BEFORE BUT  
I’M SUPER CONFUSED TOO

were u this confused when it  
happened to you, Master?

 **The Master  
** no. well, for about 20 minutes.

some of us chose the update, you  
know 😏😏 and I’ve done it before,  
or did you forget my 4th body?

ohhhh yeah I did. it’s not easy,  
keeping 2.3 thousand years of  
memories in here

 **The Master  
** I’m HURT (ಥ_◞ಥ)

 **Rory  
** So what’s up anyway?

Is Elizabeth II still Queen? How  
many times did the world almost end?  
Have you seen my dad ever again?  
Do you still like fish fingers and  
custard?

 **Yaz  
** like WHAT?

 **Martha  
** Disgusting

 **Yaz  
** and yeah she’s still queen

I suspect it’s the werewolf thing

 **Clara  
** the what

 **Martha  
** Doctor, is the Queen a werewolf?

 **Ryan  
** they’re real?????

they’re alien, actually. one bit Victoria  
when Rose and I visited…

and it doesn’t matter how many times  
the world almost ended, it’s that we  
saved it, eh?

and I haven’t had fish fingers and  
custard for ages! but I do like custard  
creams a lot in this body 😃😃

 **Ryan  
** when did u disappear from @Amy

 **Amy  
** 2012

 **Ryan  
** did u have memes in 2012

 **Yaz  
** there were memes in the 90s ryan 🤦🏽‍♀️

 **Bill  
** ignore them they’re gen z kids 😁

 **Jack  
** no, u should totally get twitter if u  
wanna see the disaster humans became  
since 2012

hi, I’m Jack 😏😏 we never met, but  
I’m in Cardiff in the 20th century. just  
saying

 **Rory  
** Uhhh what?

 **Jack  
** I’m immortal

 **Me  
** Me too. And we did meet, and will  
again. 1939, Central Park 😊 I was  
keeping an eye on all of the Doctor’s  
companions.

 **Amy  
** Cool

Can we get Twitter? Isn’t it against  
the rules?

possibly

consider carefully

 **Yaz  
** this is on the table a lot today lol

 **The Master  
** right??? 🙊

 **Amy  
** And who are you? Are you a Time  
Lord too?

 **The Master  
** the Doctor’s best enemy 😘

 **Bill  
** their other spouse besides river u  
mean

 **River  
** Oh?

it’s not like that!!!! we were never  
married!!!

 **Clara  
** enemies with benefits then 💋

 **The Master  
** actually, yes

I hate everyone

 **Jack  
** no u don’t

no I don’t

current fam, want some Vulcan  
biscuits?

 **Yaz  
** vulcan like star trek???

exactly

 **Yaz  
**

**Jack  
** they were friends with roddenberry

 **Yaz  
** u just answered my question sooner  
then I asked 😅

 **Jack  
** they all ask 😉

 **Bill  
** spirk. thoughts?

**Yaz**   


**Ryan  
** ur mixing up ur fandoms

 **Yaz  
** u know what-

 **The Master  
** during my INVOLUNTARY exile  
on earth I watched the entirety of star  
trek and I have OPINIONS

move aside humans

 **Clara  
** this is gonna be a long night I see :)


	8. master who?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cameos I forgot to mention:  
> @scrambledeggsy is eggsy unwin from kingsman  
> @evie_moneypants is eve moneypenny from james bond

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
apparently photobombing is another one of Tesla’s unacknowledged inventions 🤭  
[ _An image of Yaz, Ryan, and Graham in Tesla’s laboratory, wearing their period clothing and smiling uncertainly. Behind them, the man himself is staring at the person behind the camera—the Doctor—with a somewhat bewildered look_.]

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
HA I’m GETTING to you aren’t I doctor?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
what are you on about? the fact that they put on some of the stuff from my gigantic wardrobe has nothing to do with you.

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
no, actually, he was right. still can’t put me in a skirt tho

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
those are trousers????

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
very clever, innit 😄😄

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
girl you’re my role model now

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
so, dear doctor, how does it feel? 😏

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
ok, fine, you had a point, happy now?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
oh, immensely 😏 I’m all but rolling in the satisfaction of the knowledge that you admitted I was RIGHT! think I’m going to open a bottle of champagne and won’t give you ANY

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
good for you, I’m busy anyway

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
that’s not how you’re supposed to reply-

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
well, maybe you should get used to the fact that your games aren’t always working 😙

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
😠😠😠

**f*ck trump** @canadianmoose  
hahah u can feel the tension even through the screen

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
so how many photos with historical characters have u got, eh 👀

**Rufus** @HiImAnEngineer  
…is that FLYNN

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
no that’s Nikola Tesla? does nobody know him? really? and who’s Flynn?

**Rufus** @HiImAnEngineer  
uhhhh right. never mind. thought I saw someone I knew, looked kind of like him.

and btw I know who Tesla is, I’m not a caveman. and I’m jealous you have a photo with him

**ryan** @theemechanic  
aren’t u gonna question the time travel? ppl usually do

**Rufus** @HiImAnEngineer  
oh yeah I’m a time traveler too so I didn’t even think to question it but now that you menTION IT

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
oh sweet. do u know the doctor?

**Rufus** @HiImAnEngineer  
doctor who?

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
amskadjadnhsnbdh i see

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
time travel is tricky business 😅 also, those thieving alien scorpions are onto us again, so we’ve got to go

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
why does no one ever ask Master who 🤔

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
aight. master who?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
that’s top secret 🤫

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
who IS _@MasterOfTheUniverse_ then: A Thread  
#TwitterAliens  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
fact #1: he’s a Gallifreyan. Time Lord/Lady. tried to murder me a couple times. tried to take over the world/universe a couple times. _@adventurer_13_ ’s enemy with benefits, or something. he was also Harold Saxon, maybe u remember ’07?  
| **  
certified space bi** @claraoswin  
fact #2: in 1969, the master personally visited Gene Roddenberry and threatened to shrink him for an inaccurate portrayal of certain aspects of space life and spreading the Doctor’s propaganda, aka too much peace and the absence of proper villains.  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
fact #2.5: the Doctor had told Roddenberry how things worked in space before, aliens, equality of men and women, inclusion of POC, everything. yes, Vulcan exists.  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
fact #3: certain aspects = space is gayer and more nonbinary than they showed. Shatner and Nimoy tried… but it was the 60s. but the Master, being a Time Lord, therefore genderfluid and very very queer, and also POC, minded that.  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
here I quote: “bloody human bigots only show what suits them and live within the confines of a very narrow mindset that’s more ridiculous than anything I’ve ever seen, besides the Doctor’s clothes, and should wake the fuck up  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
“if they’re so adamant on not being destroyed by me or rather themselves, despite all odds, because really, I don’t even have to try, they’re on the way to destroy Earth completely on their own”  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
fact #4: he didn’t shrink him because that would disrupt the timeline WAY too much but he punched him in the face for being a homophobe, basically.  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
fact #5: despite this, he watched all the series and Data is his favourite.  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
fact #6: before that, as Missy, she started a movement for the emancipation of women and bringing down the patriarchy and had powerful women from the past join. it’s time travel business. don’t ask.  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
conclusion #1: the Master shipped #spirk hard enough to go through with all that. well, it’s a fact too, he told us. all this is from a 2 am group chat conversation btw.

conclusion #2: he’s secretly a nerd, who also watched all the Disney films with the Doctor at one point.  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
conclusion #3: he, a self-proclaimed villain, accidentally became an advocate for LGBT+ rights, POC rights, women’s rights, and climate change. on Earth. in the last century. because he’s an alien for whom all that is insubstantial. and I say, amen to that.  
|  
 **certified space bi** @claraoswin  
(and THIS is how you destroy someone’s reputation for good, pun intended. because what’s on the internet stays on the internet and probably the TARDIS archives too 😉)

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
I HATE YOU

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
 _@claraoswin_ 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@MasterOfTheUniverse_ well done, mate, welcome to the hating-the-straight-bullshit-of-the-20th-century-so-much-you-try-to-do-something-about-it-evil-or-not club

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
 _@MasterOfTheUniverse_ oh yeah, crowley here helped start the stonewall riots. it was in 69 too. maybe u met 😁

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@lesbill_ oh we know each other, she stole my victorian nanny look

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
I agree with anyone who thinks star trek isnt gay enough #letspirkkiss 🏳️‍🌈

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
THEY’RE RIGHT THO? CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL AND SO ARE NB PEOPLE AND WE DON’T GET ENOUGH REPRESENTATION IN MEDIA

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
we… saw a future where earth got completely destroyed by nuclear wars and global warming. and the worst thing is that we don’t know when it was but it looked like it wasn’t so far away. it’s not set yet and we’ve gotta make sure it never happens *now*

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
yeah. they’re generally a bit of an arsehole but they’ve got a point about this, so spread the word, kids

**monica** @moneyca  
harold saxon-

**Connor** @28connor  
Imma say something bold and controversial: if he ran for office again I’d vote for him

**evie** @evie_moneypants  
Maybe it’s time to bring the #VoteSaxon thing back because better him than Boris

**Jordan** @Simply_Skipper  
OR TRUMP

**Graham** @GrahamOBrien  
Actually, yeah. The older the wiser, eh?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
😑 is the Doctor plotting something here

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
no. this is humans genuinely agreeing with you. because this happens when you give them a chance and don’t scheme behind their back or point a TCE in their face. have you ever stopped and thought about that during those 77 years? or when you were O?  
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
you were a nice guy then, and all that pretence couldn’t have come from nothing. I told you that. and I know that you actually wanted to help those women, you said it yourself. and I… understand that what you did to me and my friends was because you were hurting  
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
and having a BIG crisis of identity. because I remember what you told me when you were drunk on that whisky iced tea. whatever you won’t tell me the time lords did to you, it must’ve been terrifying. and maybe you’ll never be a good person, no matter how much I’ll try.  
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
but you’re not a 100% bad person either. I told you that too. you can’t be that and be mad that Star Trek is too straight (wait for the 2060s reboot though) and that humans aren’t… what’s the word? woke enough? and try to teach them things! 😊

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
you don’t have to say it in front of them though 😒 

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones **  
**At heart, just a little bit of a good person, hmm?

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
holy shit aziraphale THEY’RE US 👀

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
…excuse me VULCAN IS REAL

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yup 🖖 their biscuits are inedible though

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say smth about the master's opinion on star trek since you asked, but then that happened. oh well.
> 
> if there's someone who doesn't know timeless: goran visnjic, who played tesla, played a time traveller named garcia flynn on that show, and rufus is their time ship pilot! it's a good show, give it a watch :) also legends of tomorrow. they're the ultimate time travel team. gayer, more powerful, and more chaotic than the tardis gang. 
> 
> I was referencing the missy chronicles and the story girl power! here, which is basically a piece of canon social media fic and totally amazing! she did really want to help humans then, but as soon as the doctor noticed, she denied it and swore never to help them again...
> 
> also for those who read twitter cryptids and are confused that crowley knows @tea_and_scones is aziraphale, this is in 2019, while that one takes place in 2018 :)


	9. space soap opera with a twist

**ryan** @theemechanic  
stuff time travel films won’t tell you:  
\- time sickness  
\- the past REALLY smells  
\- its not actually all that white and straight 💪🏿  
\- 95% of alien races are nice we just usually see the other 5  
\- u can’t change history when u kill one (1) rat or w/e

**Rufus** @HiImAnEngineer  
damn do I hate time sickness… and racism

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
AMEN 🙏🏽

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
\- “you talk very oddly” – everyone from >100 years in the past or future  
\- Do Not Eat Mediaeval Food, Ever  
\- u’ve got to get a futuristic multi-vaccine shot before u go anywhere  
\- if u mention smth from the future in the past they usually just. gloss over the word lol

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
\- it’s never like the history/lit books say  
\- the future doesn’t always mean metal buildings and uniform clothes   
\- deaths and births and certain historical events are fixed points in time and no matter what u do, u can’t change them (looking at u “kill baby hitler” theorists)

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
\- no wormholes are necessary   
\- you can never ever touch your past self  
\- humans are amazing at forgetting that an invasion ever occurred around them and always try to explain it through reason, which we sort of count on

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
are you sure

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
 _@Victoria_Boo_ except humans on twitter I guess 😅

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
\- you can visit an alt timeline in the future but once you change the past, it cements and there are no other alt timelines or however they said it’s supposed to work

**gayvengers** @AceRavenclaw   
is that a jab at avengers endgame 👀

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
lol they did say all the time travel movies are wrong and then they were wrong too 😂

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
gotta love time travellers dissing fake movie science

**san trancisco** 🏳️‍🌈 @gayvibesonly  
gotta love dissing fake movie science

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
gotta love time travellers

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
gotta love time

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
gotta love dissing

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
gotta love

**lemon** @Laemon  
gotta

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
greetings from an unnamed future planet that has metal buildings and uniform clothes! behold the silver lake, one of the universe’s most famous tourist attractions! it’s a gorgeous lake made of liquid silver! and we’re bummed out that we can’t swim in it :/

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
yeah, I’d be too

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
y not?

**san trancisco** 🏳️‍🌈 @gayvibesonly  
dude it’s molten silver it’s like REALLY hot

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yup! this entire planet is really hot.

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
can confirm……

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
oooh silver aliens are hot eh??

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
they so are

**ryan** @theemechanic  
yup

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
moving on now!

**conspiracy theories are my jam** @olgoi_khorkhoi  
did nasa or the government or someone ever notice there are space photos on twitter and wanted you to stop doing it and sign a super secret contract or something

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
well, they’re free to try and shut me down if they want, but we all know that aliens are real now, and besides, I have authority over them all

**monica** @moneyca  
????????? wut

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
I’m the president of earth 🌍✌️ in crisis situations, anyway, but I’ve got my own jet!

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
didn’t the zygon copying me blow it up?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
ohhh, right 😕

**timbo** @timforcoffee  
PRESIDENT OF EARTH????? that’s not a thing!!!!

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
it is, since 2014

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
oh, right, that one was because of me, wasn’t it?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
we’ve got a history with aeroplanes, eh?

**f*ck trump** @canadianmoose  
oh so it’s a pm/president au then :)

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
what

**f*ck trump** @canadianmoose  
what

**We Are Osgood** @Osgood  
So THIS is where you both ended up…

  
**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
this week on tardis reality: there’s shouting somewhere in the distance. is it:  
a) another room we’re supposed to ignore  
b) really loud telly  
c) the doctor building smth and talking (yelling) to herself   
d) a stowaway

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
D is correct. hi. that may or may not also be a euphemism.

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
WHAT are u doing here

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
being obnoxious. and a nuisance. and smug despite the fact I ruined yet another one of his plans and didn’t even take a full day. sorry for the shouting, we’re watching frozen 2

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
you’ve always known how to spoil my fun ☹️

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
reeeeeeally

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
that sounds suspiciously like what you’ve been doing in the vault 🤔

**Graham** @GrahamOBrien  
Progress :-)

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
SHUT UP

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
why, we all know a sinnamon roll is still a kind of cinnamon roll

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
😮😠

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
 _@lesbill_ you’re amazing sdkasnjdjnsdf

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
excuse me, frozen 2?

**Connor** @28connor  
This is so good skmakjnja

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
space soap opera with a twist


	10. welcome to the club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that episode was one big CLUSTERFUCK. amazing. I gotta admit I've deeply underestimated Chibs' ability to write big arcs and good stories. this is all like the good old Moffat-era shit and it's B R I L L I A N T
> 
> this has spoilers, obviously. but it all fits so well with the canon of this I don't even know

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
god I just. love my gf so much. that I have a gf and that we can travel thru space together. ultimate gay

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
bloody hell yes

**monica** @moneyca  
such a mood

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
honestly

**Amira** **✌** **️** @AwkwardAlienAmira  
I WANT A GF

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
me too I cry

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
so I’ve officially met the new tardis gang and I gotta say, it’s been fun ;)

**ryan** @theemechanic  
ur not dead???

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
which part about “immortal” have u not understood, hot stuff?

**ryan** @theemechanic  
I like u but pls don’t flirt with me

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
u can flirt with me tho :)

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
oi you, focus

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
gimme a high five harkness ✋ welcome to the club

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
✋

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
I want to meet them too :(

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yeah! totally! we should catch up sometime! btw, have you got any idea who’s the lone cyberman?

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
just cos I was a cyberman once doesn’t mean I’ve got the intel doctor

but oh my god totally!!! think I’m just gonna ring u 😊

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yeah, sorry. just checking. it’s something Jack has warned me about

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
there are cybermen again???

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
no! not as far as I know, no. not on earth at least.

**josh** @pastaforlyfe  
ur gonna warn everyone if there are rite

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
sure

* * *

**big fam**

The Doctor, Ryan, Graham, Bill, Heather, C…

TODAY

anyway you won’t BELIEVE the day  
I had. I met myself! from the past!  
except I don’t remember her at all???  
and I also met another Gallifreyan  
from the past? and she said that you  
can’t go round meeting yourself cos  
it’s a big paradox and the universe   
wouldn’t stand it but I meet myself  
all the time?

there’s been 13 of me at once once.  
nothing ever happened, not even when  
we touched. you know that, right?  
@Clara does, anyway. right??

 **Clara  
** yeah!!!

also, where is the Master???? I’m a  
bit nervous that I haven’t seen him  
for a while… and speaking of, they’ve  
met themselves too, twice! what even   
is the universe anymore

**Yaz**  
it is weird when he doesn’t somewhat  
flirtily and threateningly reply to  
you on twitter tbh

but please doctor calm down. have  
some tea, yeah? ill make u tea.

thanks, Yaz

 **Graham**  
Sorry, excuse me, you meet yourself  
all the time?

well, not all the time, but it happened  
a few times, yeah

 **Clara**  
let me provide a picture

that’s me and three of them 😁

[ _A picture of the War Doctor, Ten,  
Eleven, and Clara, taken at the  
National Gallery. There are three  
TARDISes in the background_.]

 **Bill**  
I’ve been there with the master and  
missy so

pretty sure they flirted with each other

 **Jack  
** …just flirted?

 **Martha  
** Jack, that’s kind of disgusting.

 **Jack  
** sorry, can’t help it 😇

 **The Master**  
that’s an incident we do NOT speak  
about

and I see you’re starting to figure it  
out, dear Doctor. WHAT did the time  
lords do, eh, that you don’t remember  
your own past? think about it

 **Clara**  
didn’t you once tell me the doctor  
was a girl when she was little?

 **The Master**  
she’s clever 👉👉

didn’t call her clever girl for nothing

and no I wasn’t. I was a boy who grew  
up to be a grumpy old granddad!

or was I? WHAT DO YOU KNOW

 **The Master**  
still won’t tell you 😘 wouldn’t be  
any fun that way!

 **Martha  
** And I’m sorry, didn’t you just say  
that Gallifrey was destroyed a couple  
weeks ago? How could you have  
met a Gallifreyan?

Wait, I’m stupid. TIME Lords. But  
you’ve always said you were the  
last of your kind…?

that’s cos I’M stupid, Martha

took me to call me out on it

of course there are time lords still  
out there, from the past

but IDK, the whole things is just…  
odd

 **Amy  
** Ood

OOD

haven’t met those in a while

 **Yaz  
** what’s an ood?

 **Amy  
** A sort of alien that looks like a celery  
with tentacles around its mouth

We had one as a personal servant.  
Long story

 **Ryan  
** everything’s a long story lol

 **Amy  
** Also I don’t understand anything  
anyone has just said

 **Mickey  
** yeah same

 **Heather  
** well

 **Yaz  
** we don’t either

and neither does the doctor actually  
👌🏽 life is great

we’ll be here hopping from place and  
time to another place and time  
waiting for smth to come and get us

 **Bill  
** MOOD

and waiting for the plot to move along

maybe getting more pieces of the  
puzzle

which would be easy if SOMEONE  
didn’t keep on sabotaging it

 **The Master  
** oh come on, you love extra-hard  
puzzles, always have done 😏

and you’re getting very warm now!  
practically on fire!

I’m getting vault flashbacks

 **Bill  
** yeah me too

 **Amy  
** What?

 **The Master  
** oh, nothing. I miss my piano though

we should start a band

I’m not starting a band with you

remember when you started one with  
5 versions of yourself though? 😄

 **The Master  
** …

and, see, here we are again

 **Ryan  
** u know what u should do tho

cuz ur basically just jake and doug  
judy from b99. best frenemies who  
keep escaping each other and  
playing games, right? have I got  
that right, doc?

it’s more complicated than that…

 **Yaz  
** 🤯 mind blown

 **Ryan  
** so just sing some karaoke in that  
karaoke room and chill for a bit or  
smth. watch more disney. talk abt  
shit and then bloody face whatevers  
coming together cuz it needs like  
we need as much help as we can  
get, lbr

 **Graham  
** When did /you/ get so wise?

 **Ryan  
** prolly all that space travel

 **Bill  
** this is what they’ve been doing for  
70 years in that vault tho ∑(｀□´/)/

 **Yaz  
** well, that’s great, right?

aaaand he’s offline

 **Ryan  
** if I offended him I’m not sorry at  
all tho lol

 **Jack  
** good

 **Amy  
** So um did all of you met multiple  
versions of the Doctor at once?

 **Mickey  
** nope

 **Bill  
** no, just the two masters

 **Jack  
** no, me neither

 **Martha  
** No, just one

And his half-human clone who now  
lives in a parallel universe with  
Rose. Bet they have four kids by  
now

 **Jack  
** oh, yeah, that day was like all my  
fantasies came true… damn

today’s second best tho 😉

hang on. parallel universes

could it be-

Martha I could kiss you

again

actually, there were Judoon too on  
that day, and then we met Jack and  
the Master was causing trouble and  
I became human for a while… is  
that a coincidence? do you see it too?

anyway. I might have the seeds of a  
theory. maybe it’s nothing. but  
maybe it’s something. what if… just,  
what if it’s not time bleeding through  
but reality?

gotta go

and ta for the tea! 😊

 **Yaz  
** anytime

 **Clara  
** hmm so now that we’re time lord-  
free does anyone want to play CAH  
or something

 **Bill  
** YES

 **Jack  
** always 😁😁

 **Mickey  
** hmm y not

 **Amy  
** Yeah, we MISS normal things

 **Ryan  
** with jack? oh lord

 **Yaz  
** actually I’m interested

 **Clara  
** cool. I’ll set up an online game ☺️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the b99 thing is from [tumblr](https://popcornpagesart.tumblr.com/post/190242789673/maybe-they-just-need-to-do-some-karaoke). and so is all this theorising...


	11. do NOT remind me of lapel celery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for disappearing! I was away and didn't have wifi. because that still happens sometimes. I haven't seen episode 6 yet either, so no spoilers pls :') (but I did see the titles for the finale and "ascension of the cybermen"? "the timeless children"?? CHILDREN??? that better be what I hope it is. either way, we're going to get ANSWERS)
> 
> this is a short one but given that I thought I wouldn't have time to write anything till next week it's still good, eh?

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
I was wrong. never will I ever play cards against humanity with _@captainqueer_ again

**ryan** @theemechanic  
oh yea same

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
babies :) if you were here as long as we’ve been

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
well, let’s see next year, yeah? 😁

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
you played without me???

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
you play????

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
I play! the 22nd century version is my favourite, lots and lots of good jokes. alien jokes. dirty alien jokes.

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
you shock me, Doctor 😮

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
sixth body, rainbow coat, you with that beard. we played and you know it

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
*this version of you shocks me

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
what’s that mean?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
what do you think? 😏

**Graham** @GrahamOBrien  
We’re gonna find him in the TARDIS again, aren’t we?

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
I’m gonna hide all the good biscuits

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
that feeling when your friends accidentally try to give you a fatal poison

**fre sh a vaca do** @peteyboiii  
whut

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
does that happen often to aliens

**nb and proud** @winchesterfann  
are u ok??

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yeah I’m fine, I just had a headache and Graham gave me aspirin, it’s poisonous to time lords :’) but chocolate counteracts the effects so nothing terrible happened

**gayvengers** @AceRavenclaw  
like when you need to eat chocolate after a dementor attack 👀

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
kind of? Gallifreyans are allergic to lots of human things but we can also eat another human thing and it’s all fine! chocolate for aspirin, celery for praxis gas, ginger beer or salty things for cyanide… it goes on. and we can definitely get drunk

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
do NOT remind me of lapel celery 🤦‍♂️

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
drinking with the master, were we?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
maybe

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
still in denial about being 2000 years married, are we?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
WE’RE NOT MARRIED WE’RE ENEMIES

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
YES. and the aspirin was obviously me subtly trying to kill her

**Graham** @GrahamOBrien  
Yeah, I don’t know about that, it was from my pocket. I always carry some! And sorry again, Doc.

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
…

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
hahaha gotcha ;)

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
all of you shut up. I’m going to get me some paracetamol and Not Think About This

**ryan** @theemechanic  
oh yeah keep being delusional I guess

**space mum** @adventurer_13  



	12. do you miss me???

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
met a couple of crazy immortals who feed off nightmares. never again. I prefer my immortals dorky, brave & gay

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
aww thanks

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
always

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
:)

**Not Maisie Williams** @meme_me  
Who dares disrespect-

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
*cool & only slightly evil u mean? ;)

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
I didn’t actually mean you but ok

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
:(

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
what IS the story there though? HOW do you know an actual demon? and an angel? and yes I know who they are, it’s all over twitter

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yeah, cos SOMEONE doesn’t follow the rules… anyway we met a couple times on earth, but I mostly know Aziraphale and his bookshop because it’s been there since 1800, has all the books that are otherwise forgotten, and has weird energy readings

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
we met in the alpha centauri system once tho

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yeahhh that was a night

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
you never told me about that…

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Oh, was it now?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
not like that!

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
not like THAT aziraphale

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
👀

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
👀

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
lmaoo I can see where ryan was coming from with the denial and the married thing

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
foursome

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
and then there’s jack

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
IVE MET UP WITH THE DOCTOR AND THE NEW FAM AND IT WAS AWESOME HHHH I GAY

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
honestly if u weren’t taken I’d smash u

**ryan** @theemechanic  
😮 yaz!!!

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
what? I’m not gonna lie am I

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
😘

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yeah. I had no idea how much I missed Bill and her weird and totally right questions

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
do you miss me???

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
not really. there’s enough chaos as it is

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
LIAR. you love it when I’m around. last week is proof

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
…do YOU miss ME? because it sounds to me like you do

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
no,

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
ok, ok, this is no place to have that conversation, but I think we need to talk

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
FINALLY *punches air*

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
so anyway the doctor is awesome everything is awesome my gf learnt to make pancakes and I can not-die happy

**thanks for all the fish** @_and_chips  
not-die?

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
I’m sort of immortal

**thanks for all the fish** @_and_chips  
ah ok cool

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
this is EXCITING

**f*ck trump** @canadianmoose  
let us know how it goes!!!!

  
**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
well… the doctor tossed her mobile on the floor and stomped away

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
uh oh


	13. go get it u stupid aliens

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
nvm. we found them both on the library sofa again. half naked

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
WHAT

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
*rolls eyes* of course you did, first they fight and then they snog, that’s their mo even if they don’t admit it. the important part is did they TALK

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
how should I know? we all collectively yeeted out of there

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
good choice. sen d updates

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
aaaaaaaaaa

**f*ck trump** @canadianmoose  
go get it u stupid aliens

**hi, welcome to nandos** @anne_marie_green  
#TwitterAliens

**Sonya** 💅🏽 @SonyaaKhan  
ummmmmmmm what’s this all about Yaz?????? _@wrathofKhan_

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
 _@SonyaaKhan_ YOU FOUND ME??? ok shit I’ll explain but don’t tell mum and dad

**Sonya** 💅🏽 @SonyaaKhan  
 _@wrathofKhan_ fine but have you really been travelling with some aliens?? and Ryan Sinclair??? or is it some sort of hoax???

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
hi Yaz’s sister! but do people really not know about aliens these days? I heard they said the Judoon in Gloucester were the Russians’ fault! honestly!

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
no aliens are totally real, we know they are

**monica** @moneyca  
sure, yeah! (no sarcasm intended)

**Q** @efficiencies  
they did invade MI6 quite recently

**ryan** @theemechanic  
ur awake 👀 _@adventurer_13_

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yeah, I am, and I need the fam to join me in the kitchen. I’m still pants at talking about feelings but I’ll try

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
when ur just chilling at a bar in tokyo trying to pick up the girl at the bar and then her boyfriend too when u find out she has one and suddenly twitter hits u with the image of an old friend and an old enemy doing it and u dunno if u should root for em or try to kill the master

**Tom** @dodobirdtom  
LOL that’s very specific

**merry berry** @Jane_the_merry  
No Killing Pls XD

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
*virtual pat on the back* it’ll be alright

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
awwww you flatter me

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
go away :)

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
so anyway, for all the curious humans out here--because we’re in too deep and there’s no coming back now, apparently, and this is why I never had social media before--yes, fine, I admit to maybe being a bit of a delusion hypocrite. m a y b e. but our relationship is COMPLICATED

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
I hate honest talk, it’s better when we chase each other across the universe and maybe blow up a planet along the way and then have a very sexually tense argument

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yeah me too

not the blowing up a planet part though

**ryan** @theemechanic  
obviously 🙄

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
so u did talk it out? as much as u can talk 2000 years of issues out anyway?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
well, we fought in whatsapp messages. he showed up on the TARDIS’ doorstep an hour later, shouting at me some more, I shouted back, it got more heated than usual and we ended up… you know. I’m still mad about Gallifrey, he’s still hurt and won’t tell me anything about it.  
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
same old, same old. but I think we’re capable of having a civil conversation now, and he promised not to try and kill any of my friends again. well, the current ones, anyway. you. something about how we actually miss spending time with each other like we did in our last bodies  
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
might’ve been said… yeah. it was very real. I had a very bright braincell-hogging moment and suggested real therapy because there’s LOTS of buried trauma here. but I’m uncomfortable now, let’s get back to teasing and jokes and memes, yeah?

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
of course :)

**ryan** @theemechanic  


**Anita** @anitamamacita  
NICE

**thanks for all the fish** @_and_chips  
I do love a hopeful ending where people talk about their problems and go to therapy

🍕 **pizza** 🍕 @pepperony  
reminder that healthy relationships take trust and communication!

**f*ck trump** @canadianmoose  
👏👏👏👏

**Graham** @GrahamOBrien  
Are you ignoring those times he showed up here before and you watched films and avoided this conversation, or…?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
that didn’t count

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
those are the things we sometimes do and Do Not Talk About cos talking about it would make it real and we’d have to admit we like seeing each other and not in those fighty situations

which we sort of did now? yeah. I call progress

**certified space bi** @claraoswald  
shit twitter we got deep

but gah I’m that gif Ryan posted, the Doctor is finally an adult!!!

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
nooo I don’t want to be an adult I hate growing up :(

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
also my sister knows everything now, rip yasmin khan 2k19

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
tell her she can go on a trip too if she wants ☺️☺️

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
yeah, no

**Sonya** 💅🏽 @SonyaaKhan  
*crosses arms* rude, I want to go to the moon 🌛


	14. I already regret this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not updating for a week 🙈 I was busy writing other things and doing reading assignments, and I'll be honest—this fic the least of my priorities. I will finish it though, don't worry!

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
you know how I said I’d warn you if the cybermen were coming again? well I guess they are now.

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
well, shit

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
not AGAIN

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
you met the lone cyberman and disregarded my warning, haven’t you

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
……maybe

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
it was either give him what he wants or destroy the universe with a big paradox tho ://

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
on the bright side, we met Lord Byron and the Shelleys and possibly inspired Frankenstein

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscomet  
:o

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
bloody hell and I missed THAT

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
you got to snog Jane Austen!

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
well what if I want to snog byron too??

**ryan** @theemechanic  
rule no 1: do not snog byron

**monica** @moneyca  
was jane austen a LESBIAN 👀

**f*ck trump** @canadianmoose  
this is a lot to take in skdnjsfbhjs

**🚫** **comic sans** @teddsimpson  
 _@adventurer_13_ heard you were the alien affairs expert here so um what do I do if I think I’ve found an alien egg??

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
 _@teddsimpson_ what egg? where? what’s it look like?

**🚫** **comic sans** @teddsimpson  
 _@adventurer_13_ it’s about as big as a pomelo, sort of spiky and dark green, found in the forest near Worcester?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
 _@teddsimpson_ leave it where you found it and go home, we’ll take care of it. definitely an alien egg, since dragons are all extinct now…

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
dragons??

**Dany Deserved Better** @ThronesFan92  
DRAGONS.

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
anyone else got any alien-related problems they need help with? any questions? you can hit _@MasterOfTheUniverse_ too, he’s probably bored or something.

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
I will NOT answer the humans’ alien questions, I’m not a bloody professor

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
well I am!!! let’s try

**Theresa** @Terry_Smith_xx  
What were the rhino people that came to Gloucester a while ago? Cos we REMEMBER

**jam is my jam** @OreoBoi  
are there really aliens in area 51??

**åŧÿpîçāł** @marymermaid  
are there alien bases on the dark side of the moon

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
what’s it like outside our galaxy?

**pug with flower crown** @tydytut  
Are there dogs on alien planets??

**I <3 croissants **@Fannibal7  
Some pointers on what to do if aliens take over earth?

**no 1 halsey stan** @HalseyMarryMe  
alien music alien music alIEN MUSIC-

**aesthetic** @coffeelove  
are there aliens secretly living among us?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
I already regret this

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
*sits back with hands behind head* ENJOY

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
it’s been two hours. she’s still answering questions. out loud. in the tardis.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
fun facts lesson yaz! fun facts lesson!

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
not that I had physics since secondary or went to uni but I can’t imagine having her as my physics prof

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
you never learnt any physics, but man were they the best lessons ive ever gone to

**certified space bi** @claraoswald  
how come you got a cool physics professor but when he came to my school, he pretended to be a caretaker, badly?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
me 😏

**certified space bi** @claraoswald  
oh right. I shouldn’t be surprised really

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
is it weird that I think it’s weird when the Master isn’t automatically attacking me and/or being unnecessarily sarcastic and snappy when we talk?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
oh, do you WANT me to tell you how hideous your outfit is and that I could be doing something better right now rather than waste my precious time texting you?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
no. shut up. cuddle me

**ryan** @theemechanic  
😮


	15. The idiot says hi.

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
good news! well, mixed news! the cybermen went to a distant future, so you current humans have nothing to worry about! it’s all the future generations’ problem.

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
that’s very reassuring

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
you’re welcome!

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
that was sarcasm.

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
ah. well, anyway, I found a portal to my home planet, which is supposed to be in a pocket universe, and the master jumped out of it, and cybermen are coming our way, so, yeah, have to go now

**Connor** @28connor  
the master?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
I love being dramatic. also, can’t have cybermen destroying the universe, what would I rule then, huh?!? an empty void?? been there, done that, thanks but no thanks

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
u can try and pretend you’re saving the universe for selfish reasons but we know better

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
SHUT UP POTTS

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
go now, jeez, you can chat LATER

**jam is my jam** @OreoBoi  
I’m taking the silence as a sign that they did

**MISSY** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
Hello! Thanks to awesome Time Lord magic that I absolutely cannot explain because where would be the fun in that? I’ve come from the past--or future, depends on how you see it--to tell you that the Doctor an idiot sandwich and I am The Bestest, thank you.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
u mean u and the doctor are an idiot sandwich, together? 😝

**MISSY** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
Ah, you’re still around. I’ve just talked to you, isn’t it fun?

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
how????

**MISSY** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
A lady never reveals her secrets, tsk tsk. The idiot says hi.

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
DOCTOR 😱

**MISSY** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
To quote my wife, this is full of spoilers and Missy shouldn’t be doing this. Who’s the idiot now? –Doctor Disco

**MISSY** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
Who caaaaaares, there are Cybermen blowing up the ship! Is that Trump bloke still president? Tell him I’m most definitely NOT a fan. Also, seriously, between past me and future me, I’m the bestest. M e n, augh.

**t(v)egan** @smol_potato  
as a lesbian I AGREE

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
should’ve regenerated better than, m i s s y

**Rufus** @HiImAnEngineer  
you’re the same person as the OH person ?

**MISSY** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
Self-evidently.

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
you met???

**MISSY** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
He visited me in the vault in 1995 and spent a week. We watched a lot of trashy American movies… WITHOUT the Doctor! So evil, we are.

**ryan** @theemechanic  
this is bloody BONKERS also we have cybermen too does this happen often

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
 _@theemechanic_ about every two years, yeah…

**MISSY** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
Let me guess, you’re another one of the Doctor’s pets and you’re trying to stop the Cybermen from destroying the galaxy? Again? And I’m there despite my best efforts? Pfff, this is so 2017. Tell them I said hi. I’ve got to depart now, apparently my job today is to save kiddies.

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
yep, know that feeling,

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
I cannot BELIEVE this is the same person?? as the master???

**PANDA** @annoyingpanda  
well they came from the past to shitpost and insult the doctor I mean

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 @lesbill  
regeneration ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 

**f*ck trump** @canadianmoose  
she’s on a different level of epic tho

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
I go away for a while and find out that Missy and past me were here. right

**san trancisco** 🏳️‍🌈 @gayvibesonly  
im no time travel expert but aren’t u supposed to remember that?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
listen the memories of that day are all fuzzy and messed up cos I almost died there, I hardly know anything

**monica** @moneyca  
fair

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
I can’t believe THAT was the master

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
yeah me neither. did u like, defeat them, btw???

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
not yet :( and I have made some discoveries about gallifrey that I need to process, on top of everything that’s going on, don’t mind me or anything I’ve ever said

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
those bitches are hard to kill. but so’s this bitch 😏 ooh, pain and anxiety really do drive you forwards sometimes!

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
fuck I hope y’all are okay


	16. on wednesdays we wear-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is more of a filler... calm before the storm if you will :)

**big fam  
** The Doctor, Ryan, Graham, Bill, Heather, C…

TODAY

long time no talk, how are y’all faring

 **Clara  
** hi bill

drinking a shot for the new fam

 **Amy  
** Why, what’s going on

 **Clara  
** they’re having their first big crisis,  
probably

cybermen

 **Mickey  
** oh I HATE cybermen

well I can TALK

but yeah I hope they survive, I  
like yaz and 13

 **Rory  
** Hello, I’m the only one who was  
allowed to die

 **Amy  
** Not anymore though :3

 **Clara**  
poinT

so uh anyway who’s gay, sad & ready  
to do crime

 **River  
** Yes please

 **Rory  
** No crime!!!

 **Jack  
** uh huh. aren’t u stuck in a bubble or  
something

 **Rory  
** Hey, rude, we haven’t even met you

 **Jack  
** well I have my vortex manipulator  
back ((THANKS river)) so guess   
who’s changing that immediately

 **Amy  
** Please don’t

 **Jack  
** :(

so anyways. what are yalls thoughts  
on the doc and the master

idiots in love?

friends to lovers to enemies to  
enemies with benefits to friends  
to enemies to working on it,  
bloody finally?

 **River  
** Conflicted?

 **Jack  
** THANK U

 **River  
** Mostly because I’m dead and therefore  
can’t go and shag both my wife and   
her husband and see who’s better  
because boy do we all have a type ;)

 **Rory  
** This is NOT something a father wants  
to hear from his daughter on a   
Sunday

 **River  
** Sorry, it’s Wednesday here :)

on wednesdays we wear-

 **Heather  
** PINK

 **Clara  
** pink

:) <3

 **Martha  
** I don’t believe the Master

 **Clara  
** you’re just biased honey

look, it’s their own business, right?  
conflicted is the perfect word,  
definitely, but this is a 2000-year  
love story in the making

with rough patches. LOTS of rough  
patches. but they’re time lords,  
what do you expect

 **Martha  
** For the Doctor not to fall for a  
homicidal maniac? Idk

allow me to show u screenshots from  
twitter yesterday

missy visited us :)

 **Mickey**  
how?

time travel ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

[screenshot1.png]

[screenshot2.png]

 **River  
** Spoilers indeed :)

 **Martha  
** Okay, I take it back. Wow

 **Clara  
** she’s fun when she’s not pointing her  
death ray at you or trying to snog you

 **Martha  
** That happened?

 **Clara  
** yep

I said no, obviously

 **Amy  
** And here we are, still having no idea  
who they actually are

 **Jack  
** u sweet summer child

u do realise she can’t get that  
reference XD

 **Jack  
** daamn

 **Amy  
** YOU AND YOUR MODERN TV  
ARRGH SO UNFAIR

 **Clara  
** thought

if you have phones that can connect to  
the future, can’t u watch future tv

 **Rory  
** Good thought

 **Amy  
** I’m so stupid

Guess what we’re doing the next couple  
of months

 **Jack  
** netflix and chill

 **Amy  
** Will go find out what that means, get  
back to you in a few business days

Btw, as an author from the future,  
it’s infuriating having to mind what’s  
too new to use in books but great at   
the same time because you can make  
it popular in the first place

How I love paradoxes

yikes

I can’t imagine

was time travel why shakespeare  
invented so many new words

 **Martha  
** Well, we definitely gave him the idea  
for Hamlet and some other plays, so…

 **Jack  
** dude’s been visited by so many time  
travelers it’s insane

 **Martha  
** The Doctor met him twice

did u know the crowley bloke who  
looks like 10 made hamlet popular  
in the first place

 **Martha**  
who?

 **Mickey  
** looks like 10??

oh right, no twitter

 **Clara  
** time lords can only wear the face of  
someone who already lives somewhere  
in the universe, he told me that

and there’s this immortal person  
whose face 10 has

he made hamlet popular cos his crush  
gave him puppy eyes

u saw his acc?

 **Clara  
** yep

 **Jack  
** what a mood

they’re one of the few who can for  
some inexplicable reason resist my  
charm btw :p

 **Mickey  
** well even ppl like that exist I guess,  
jack

speaking of will

u gotta read this

<https://archiveofourown.org/works/16216055>

**Clara  
** bill

is that fanfiction

about hamlet

a gayer, quicker rewrite! cmon

 **Heather  
** I love u

I love u more babe

 **River  
** Aww

 **Heather  
** I have weird passions

and I have weirder, wbk

we complement each other

I shall send u links to all the weird  
shakespeare fics I found, hang on

 **Amy  
** Are people writing fan fiction about  
my books?

 **Clara  
** I thought u were discovering netflix

 **Amy  
** That too

 **Clara  
** and yes they are

I’d know

I did when I was in uni

 **Amy  
** NO

 **Clara  
** YES

it’s weird that you know this now  
though, guess I’ll go die

hang on-

dkndjsbfhsjbf

good one

 **Mickey  
** it’s the mortifying ordeal of being  
known

 **Jack  
** mickey mouse is SMART

 **Martha  
** That implies you thinking he  
wasn’t before :)

 **Jack  
** sorry martha I knew he was, don’t  
kill me for indirectly insulting your  
husband

hang on-

 **Clara  
** high five

 **Mickey  
** there are WAY too many immortals  
here though

 **Rory  
** Even I was immortal once…

u were??

 **Rory  
** As it turns out, there’s a history with  
half human, half alien hybrids here

 **Clara  
** tHe hYbrId

it was a whole thing, don’t ask

 **Martha  
** Yes ma’am

 **Amy  
** Would it be too bold of me to ask  
about your writing @Clara

 **Clara  
** yes

moving on

did u hear about the area 51 meme

 **Jack  
** hah if people really go there they’re  
in for a SURPRISE

 **Mickey  
** are there really aliens there??

 **Jack  
** yep, torchwood worked with the guys  
there once

speaking of torchwood, I’m supposed  
to be having coffee with gwen like,  
now so I gotta go

 **Martha  
** Say hi to her for me :)

ah, I know how it feels to be the one  
who has no idea wtf is going on now

 **Clara  
** almost feels like there are 3 different  
eras of companions who definitely  
weren’t supposed to meet and who  
have their own connections and  
inside jokes and stories and the rest  
are just confused

:)

hang on

they’re back online 👀

 **Yaz  
** we LIVED bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not ready for tomorrow but whatever happens, I'll be here with fluff and humour after
> 
> also click on that link and read that rewrite of hamlet if you haven't before, I promise you'll laugh your arse off!


	17. <3 <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i uhhh tried to fix that clusterfuck of a finale as best as i could, resulting in the first truly canon-noncompliant chapter. but i wasn't so wrong about the stuff from chapter 15 so it actually fits well together, wow :)
> 
> it directly continues where the last one left off. also the "you" person is still bill, for those who might be confused.

**big fam  
** The Doctor, Ryan, Graham, Bill, Heather, C…

TODAY

 **Yaz  
** but the doctor…… she stayed on  
gallifrey and she had a bomb and  
went to sacrifice herself to save the  
universe…

 **The Doctor  
** ah, no, I’m alive!!!! can’t get rid of  
me that easily

 **Yaz  
** DOCTO R

YOURE AL I V E

 **Ryan  
** yassssss!!!!! we bloody woN

 **Rory  
** I said I was the only one who was  
allowed to die :)

 **Clara  
** well now I’m drinking to victory!

woohoo

and the cybermen???

 **The Doctor  
** all dead

hopefully forever

BUT

the judoon kidnapped me and I might  
just be locked in a prison. someone  
come get me out?

master?

 **The Master  
** you locked me in that other dimension,  
enjoy being locked up for a day

 **Clara  
** I’ll do it, send coordinates

 **The Master  
** …or not

 **Ryan  
** how’s the master still alive?

 **The Doctor  
** that near-death experience was just  
to get the cyberium out of that idiot,  
obviously, I saved his arse. apparently  
that’s not enough to help me in turn  
though ://

 **The Master  
** do you KNOW how many times I’ve  
(almost) died because of you??

and no, I’m not sulking or having  
an anxiety attack or anything, I’m just  
mean

 **The Doctor  
** sure you are.

we’re immortal, we know that now

I forgive you though, as soon as clara  
comes and picks me up, we can have  
warm biscuits and watch stupid films  
again, yeah? I understand now. I’m  
here.

 **Jack  
** exCUSE ME?

what the FUCK is going on?????

yea I’d like to know that too actually

WHAT did u find out?????

 **Graham  
** Yeah, Doc?

 **Martha  
** You don’t know either?

 **Yaz  
** it was all very fast, we saw the doctor  
once and then we had to run

is the planet gone?

 **The Doctor  
** guess I’ll start at the beginning

it’s not like I have anything better to  
do here anyway

okay, what is the beginning though?  
do you know about byron and jack’s  
warning?

 **Clara  
** yep

 **Jack  
** obviously

those of us who saw the twit ramblings,  
yeah

 **The Doctor  
** cool. excellent. so, cybermen were  
trying to conquer the universe and  
convert everyone, you know how it  
goes. then a portal to Gallifrey opened,  
the master jumped out, took me there.

 **Yaz  
** can I jump in?

anyway, I am, you haven’t heard this  
one either

we disguised ourselves as cybermen  
when we were on that ship and landed  
on that planet, at ko sharmus’, and  
saved ryan and this kid. then we went  
to gallifrey and found the doctor  
unconscious on the floor

what happened there?

 **The Doctor  
** oh yeah, was just getting to that. the  
master locked me in the matrix, that’s  
like a HUGE database of all time lord  
memories. remember the thing he was  
all mysterious about and wanted me  
to find out on my own to see how  
much it hurt? well, I finally found out.

 **The Master  
** in the meantime I was playing doubles  
and convincing the cybermen that we  
should be allies. gah, they’re so dumb.  
they wanted to destroy all organic life  
and become robots! ROBOTS! not  
even I am THAT pathetic. first of  
all, the doctor and I are organic life  
too.

hmm, where was i? oh, yeah, I  
shrunk their leader and convinced the  
cyberium to join me. what a trip! now  
I know what she was talking about.

 **The Doctor  
** nasty thing, that.

but THEY took the bodies YOU left  
on gallifrey and converted them, well  
done.

 **Ryan  
** so… that wasn’t the master’s fault?

 **The Master  
** no??? I hate both cybermen and time  
lords??? why would I want cyberman  
time lords??????? huh???????

 **Ryan  
** yeah point

 **Clara  
** you didn’t mind taking all dead  
humans and converting them into an  
army though ://

I’m still bitter about danny pink.

 **The Master  
** that was a birthday present, the  
circumstances were different and i  
was different. sorry. ANYWAY

 **Jack  
** we still wanna hear what the doc  
found out

she’s typing, hold on

 **The Doctor  
** where was I?

what u found out

 **The Doctor  
** right. well.

I might cry, I might laugh, I might  
hate this, I might wish for a snack or  
some company but I’m definitely gonna  
ramble. here goes

gallifrey’s creation myth is a lie. there  
was this person, tecteun, the explorer,  
and she found a child on a planet she  
visited, back before gallifreyans became  
time lords. they were more like humans  
back then. this child was called the  
timeless child, because she could  
regenerate. tecteun studied this… ability  
and in the end she figured it out and  
tested it on herself, giving herself  
regeneration. then the founding fathers  
did it too and so the citadel, the academy,  
the time lords were born. all from this  
child from a planet rassilon knows where.  
well, he doesn’t, actually. but. the  
memories of this and everything that  
happened after were erased from the  
matrix, buried deep and redacted. they told  
us all a different story. they erased the  
memories of that child too and forced  
them to regenerate into a child again,  
somehow. giving them a completely  
new life. their best friend, who was  
the second guinea pig there and was  
the only one besides them to have  
an unlimited number of regenerations  
before they restricted it to 12. these  
two “original” time lords are truly  
immortal, having lived for, how  
long? hundreds of millions of years?  
we can’t know. no one can know. I’ve  
only got… fractions of the story in  
my head, disguised as something else.  
because it’s me. I’m the timeless child.  
the master’s the other one. I was what  
made the time lords what they are, and  
also their undoing, and it’s always been  
us, me and him, somehow. different.  
I’ve always been different. didn’t fit.  
and they knew it. it’s all been a lie,  
my whole life. but I’m not letting that  
stop me, eh? so I’m older than I thought.  
so I’m immortal. so I’ve had lives I  
know nothing about. but I’m still me,  
the doctor, even though everything’s  
a lie and I’m not even gallifreyan.  
god knows where my real people are.  
doesn’t matter though. I’ve got you, my  
fam, and I’ve got him, even if he  
hates that he only exists because of me  
and that I’m always there, even if he  
thinks I hate him and he’s never going  
to be good enough for me, a literal god,  
ha! like he has anything to prove to  
me. delusional, he is. I’m not above him,  
or better. but I totally get that anger now,  
destroying them all. I had to do it too,  
again, to stop the cybermen. my home,  
gone. except it’s never been, has it? now  
more than ever that’s TRUE. but this…  
history, all the complicated feelings, all  
the memories, everything, it means  
something. he hates me but he loves me.  
I know he does. and I love him. always  
have done, bloody hell. and I so that’s that.  
the longest text in all of history. which  
I’m a big part of. yeah.

also, clara’s already here, and she’s been  
standing here and letting me type for  
like 5 minutes.

 **Clara  
** yup

I’ll read the previous one now

 **The Doctor  
** and apologies to jack and any immortal  
I’ve ever met and insulted because of  
it. now I feel bad

 **Jack  
** holy motherfucking balls

well that’s. something

 **Martha  
** Excuse me Doctor you are a WHAT  
now

 **Amy  
** NOW I get the god complex and the  
running away. Oh my Raggedy Doctor,  
you wonderful moron

 **Clara  
** YOU ALMOST DIED ON ME ON  
TRENZALORE YOU IDIOT WHAT  
DO YOU MEAN IMMORTAL

also welcome to the club I guess

of people screwed over by time lords,  
present company included

 **The Master  
** fair

but how would YOU like discovering  
something like that

didn’t you once tell me you died like  
20 times?

also… I don’t even know half the  
history here, I wasn’t travelling with  
you long, but having been through  
what I’ve been through

 **Yaz  
**

blast you took that right outta my  
keyboard

 **The Master  
** well I never STAYED dead DID I

and believe me, everyone’s TRIED

 **Rory  
** Yep, this is definitely a panic attack  
kind of situation

 **River  
** Sounds like me, falling in love with a  
myth. I did say that once, didn’t I?

But hell, if I’d known that, I wouldn’t  
have had to give up my regenerations  
to save your life and I could’ve lived ://

 **The Doctor  
** paradox baby :// sorry

 **Ryan  
** I don’t understand half of this

 **Graham  
** Yeah, son, me neither to be honest

 **Mickey  
** same

 **Martha  
** Well

 **Lady Me  
** I for one knew

Immortal too, remember? I’ve lived  
through everything all the way until  
the end of time. I’ve met so many  
future Doctors I don’t even remember  
them all

unFAIR

DAMN

 **Yaz  
** wow

 **The Master  
** well that’s anticlimactic

 **Lady Me  
** I knew I couldn’t say anything though  
so I wouldn’t

 **Clara  
** sometimes even I forget you’re billions  
of years old and we picked you up from  
the collapse of the universe

ksdnjsdbs MY GIRLFRIEND

 **Jack  
** yeahh it’s fun not being able to die

 **Lady Me  
** Spoiler alert: you did die eventually

 **The Doctor  
** spoiler alert: Martha and I were there

 **Jack  
** oh, nice, my favorite you

but do u mean to tell me u knew the  
WHOLE TIME, DOC?

 **The Doctor  
** not the whole time, only since… 2007?

no more spoilers

yes more cuddles and biscuits now. I  
may even need a shock blanket

sherlock reference?

 **The Doctor  
** yes!!

thanks for listening, I do feel a LOT  
better now. why did I ever think not  
telling you anything and keeping a  
distance was a good idea?

 **Clara  
** you’re an idiot

totally

we been knew tho

 **Martha  
** Yeah! Where did the oversharing bloke  
who snogged me within two hours of  
meeting me go?

 **Rory  
** So I’m guessing the Doctor doesn’t  
randomly kiss anyone and everyone in  
the vicinity when she’s excited?

 **Mickey  
** she doesn’t? impossible

 **Clara  
** 12 left that behind

 **Ryan  
** I can’t imagine the doctor doing  
THAT, ever, wut

 **Amy  
** Huh

 **Martha  
** Huh.

 **Yaz  
** do u mean that we could’ve got actual  
hugs and snogs and a proper backstory  
with the old doctor?

younger doctor ?

 **The Doctor  
** I’ve… never thought about that, but I  
suppose you’re right…?

 **The Master  
** you know when she stopped snogging  
random humans? when *I* snogged her

 **The Doctor  
** that sounds worse than it is

 **The Master  
** but it’s truuuueeee there’s never been  
anyone but ME since the 3W

 **The Doctor  
** well jack snogged me when we met

 **Jack  
** that’s RIGHTO

 **Graham  
** Yeah, I can imagine.

 **Ryan  
** on that ship when we,, NO HE DIDN’T

 **Jack  
** he did ;)

 **Ryan  
** graham!!!

 **Graham  
** If I were younger…

 **Jack  
** well *i* don’t care for age ;)

 **Yaz  
** wait graham are you BISEXUAL

 **Graham  
** I never told you? Yeah, before I met  
and eventually married Grace I had a  
boyfriend, almost 10 years we were  
together.

 **Yaz  
** I guess we don’t exactly ~talk~ but  
omg I’ll go and fistbump u right now

!!!

 **Clara  
** NICE

 **Jack  
** I knew it

*sings* everyone is gay

 **Ryan  
** yeah so how did we get here?

 **The Master  
** the doctor and I snogging and being  
miserable together?

true love

 **The Master  
** SHUSH

you can’t threaten me :)

 **The Doctor  
** listen, we even talked about it! you can’t  
hide anymore. we’re adults and we’re  
dealing with it like adults! it’s ok to be  
vulnerable, you know. I know. and I’m  
sorry for making you think it wasn’t and  
pushing you away all these years under  
the guise of morality. you needed help  
and I didn’t see that. but we’ve bared our  
hearts there today, all cards on the table.  
no more secrets. old friend.

 **The Master  
** hah. old friend.

 **The Doctor  
** too soon? I never know

 **The Master  
** well, you’re taking it better than I  
thought

 **The Doctor  
** I’m strong for everyone

<3 <3

 **Yaz  
** <3

 **Clara  
** <3

 **Jack  
** <3

 **Amy  
** <3

 **Martha  
** <3

<3

 **Ryan  
** <3

 **Graham  
** <3

 **Rory  
** <3

 **River  
** <3

 **The Master  
** I won’t do that

 **The Doctor  
** come onnnnnnnnn

for me

 **The Master  
** *dramatic sigh* fine

<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next one will be twitter again! also maybe you noticed there are no emojis here or in the last one, and that's simply cos i'm too lazy to copy-and-paste them there. :')
> 
> so anyway, i saw this [gifset](https://doctor-missy.tumblr.com/post/611590823517274112), and even when watching, i couldn't get rid of the thought that that kid was the master so i made it so. though i am beginning to be more and more inclined towards the dhawan!master is pre!missy theory, and this would suggest that. but whatever. someone also pointed out that missy being able to control the cybermen like that in s8 was because of the cyberium... interesting thoughts. 
> 
> [this](https://crowleyaj.tumblr.com/post/611589562234470400) is also a good meta. and did you hear that sacha said that the master does love the doctor? yeah, what a day. (i watched it today and then immediately went on tumblr and then to write this!) 
> 
> see you again this week, hopefully, with the last chapter! <3


	18. laugh hard, run fast, be kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update, my internet stopped working for a while there, but it's fixed now!
> 
> well... here's me hoping this is a good enough ending. thank you all for reading, commenting, subscribing, leaving kudos, and screaming about season 12 with me! it's been a blast. <3

**Tori** @Victoria_Boo  
I really hope the alien time travellers didn’t die or something, it’s been 3 days…

***x files theme*** @parabolic  
 _@Victoria_Boo_ right? dammit I’m worried

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
 _@Victoria_Boo @parabolic_ first of all, most of us are human. second of all, can’t get rid of us so easily :3

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
yeah, about dying… apparently we can’t, the Master and I

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
wait, what

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
our people lied to us. long story short, I don’t come from Gallifrey at all but from another unknown planet, and I was why time lords could regenerate in the first place. I’m technically immortal, hundreds of millions of years old, maybe more

**I <3 croissants **@Fannibal7  
oh. my. god.

**monica** @moneyca  
imagine carrying on with your life as you do and then finding out THAT

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
*whistles* phew. welcome to the club

**Bookworm** @tea_and_scones  
Well, now we know on whom to count with tea when it’s 6 million AD and everyone is dead!

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
oh how wonderful

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
 _@tea_and_scones @ajcrowley_ am I not good enough??

**danger noodle** 🐍 @ajcrowley  
 _@captainqueer_ course, yeah! anyone who’ll still be around is good enough, immortals gotta stick together if they’re not currently in the middle of a century-long feud

**Jack** **🍆🍑🍆** @captainqueer  
#notconvinced

**jam is my jam** @OreoBoi  
how is this a normal conversation

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
easily

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
so anyway, in the light of recent events, we’ve decided to take a bit of a break from all the adventures and spend more time with our families

**Sonya** 💅🏽 @SonyaaKhan  
good. I’m starting to have enough of always covering for you. and I didn’t even get my moon trip

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
 _@SonyaaKhan_ trust me, you don’t want to go to the moon. not if you knew what I know about it

**Sonya** 💅🏽 @SonyaaKhan  
 _@claraoswin_ what do you know about the moon?

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
it’s an…… egg

**merry berry** @Jane_the_merry  
the moon is an EGG

**certified space bi** @claraoswin  
yep. and I’ve already said too much

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
 _@wrathofKhan @theemechanic @GrahamOBrien_ so you’re not in the tardis anymore?

**ryan** @theemechanic  
no, at least not for now. we almost died, so we thought we could use a bit of space, is all. and it’s not like the doctor’s lonely in there

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
oh yeah, I should probably mention that I moved in. *whispers* and they disapprove

**Graham** @GrahamOBrien  
It’s not actually about you mate, if you can believe that.

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
doubtful. I could see the way you looked at me during breakfast

**yaz** @wrathofKhan  
WE COULDN’T BLOODY SLEEP

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
oh. oh you heard that 😅😅

**🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈** @lesbill  
looks like someone got some :) but I don’t blame u, they can get l o u d

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
😏😏😏😏

**f*ck trump** @canadianmoose  
you moved in together????

**Anita** @anitamamacita  
oh NICE

**thanks for all the fish** @_and_chips  
and it only took what, two months?

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
or several aeons most of which we don’t even remember, depends on how you look at it

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
2000 years of trying and failing to kill each other

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
marrying a lot of other people

okay, maybe that was just me… I still have no idea how many wives, husbands, and spouses of undeterminable gender I’ve got and at this point I’m too afraid to find out

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
I can easily make it zero

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
don’t you dare. shall we put on a film?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
give me another hour of sitting in this whirlpool in your horrible library garden and brooding dramatically, there’s a love 👍

**HISTORY HOE** @haleyscometh  
no romcom ever has nothing on you two

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
you know what? finding out that you’ve been lied to your whole life sucks, granted. but it’s given me clarity. it doesn’t matter who I was before, only who I am now. I’m the Doctor. I know why the Master’s always done what he’s done. but he’s not lesser than me.   
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
we’re in this one together, like we’ve always been in everything. running and chasing each other, incapable to escape, incapable of letting go and just lying for so long. and now we know why. and we’ve talked, like actual functional non-human beings.  
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
hate. love. where’s the difference? one might say there isn’t. we’ve both done a lot of bad. even me. he’s right about that. but a lot of good too, before… any of this. we have history, and that history means a lot to us, and we’re finally facing it.  
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
so I should probably thank the Time Lords. and that woman who found me and took me in. the universe would’ve ended sooner than it even properly began if it weren’t for my friends and me. I don’t even know why I’m saying this here, but it’s as good a place to vent as any.  
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
and thank you, everyone who’s ever travelled with me, who’s seen a lunatic ride up the Shard on a motorbike once, who’s been brave and tried to fight the Daleks and Cybermen that have come to take Earth and never succeeded. it’s been brilliant. mad? that’s the last thing I am.  
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
as I told myself before I got this body: laugh hard, run fast, be kind. always. guess I needed all this to remind myself of that. because I’ll be damned if I stop loving that idiot, and that’s the truth. the universe is wonderful, and we’re going to see so much of it now.  
|  
 **space mum** @adventurer_13  
as I told myself long before that one, actually: physician, heal thyself. yeah. I didn’t choose to call myself the Doctor for no reason. it’s time I be one, eh?

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
you insuffeRABLE- if you’re trying to make me cry, it won’t work

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
hah! you’re lying. I can see you. who picks a planet that’s not totally boring and good for nothing but a holiday is a loser!!!

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
so we’re going to play this game! fine, because I’m great at winning!

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
tell yourself that :)

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
I hate you

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
no you dooooooon’t

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
I sometimes wish I did though. love’s where it gets complicated

**space mum** @adventurer_13  
you have no idea.

**OH** @MasterOfTheUniverse  
😘😘😘

**Author's Note:**

> **comments and kudos sustain me <3**
> 
> you can find me on tumblr, either at @crowleyaj or @doctor-missy
> 
> if you have ideas or prompts for this, please shoot!


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